Comments on: How is my persuasive essay so far?

By: sociopathic_destructobot

sociopathic_destructobot — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 07:49:59 +0000

Well, I’d like to first say that you have a pretty solid basis here, but I would add some stylistic changes to increase the persuasive function of the essay.

First, don’t name smokers as the cause right away.
start by just pointing out all the filth, getting your audience agreeing with you, THEN you blame it on the smokers. If you lay blame to quickly, your audience may think you’re finger-pointing or presumptuous, and that’s not persuasive.

Second, I would make the descriptions more vivid. Don’t just stop by saying that there’s filth and smoke, but DESCRIBE the experience, it’ll be more convincing,
other than that it’s good
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By: ?Twilight_Rox ?

?Twilight_Rox ? — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 07:38:59 +0000

I think its pretty good. Except maybe separate each idea into paragraphs instead of clumping everything together.
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Got an "A" on my persuasive paper! Yay!

By: prince323

prince323 — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 07:05:59 +0000

you can start by indenting
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By: smileitslydia :)

smileitslydia :) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 06:43:59 +0000

try not to use "you" they just say it isn’t the best thing to do, but other wise it’s very persuasive…if I smoked I’d stop after reading this!!…lol
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